


The Flame Alchemist

by graciegirl2001



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Roy has good intentions, but he's also an idiot sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 13:56:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graciegirl2001/pseuds/graciegirl2001
Summary: Roy fails at another attempt to surprise Riza with something nice on her birthday. Also known as: The Flame Alchemist should not be allowed near an oven.





	The Flame Alchemist

This year, Roy was determined to really surprise her. 

Year after year on Riza’s birthday, he and the Team attempted some elaborate surprise to make the event special. And year after year, Riza quickly caught on and shut it down. There had been the giant cake incident of 2 years ago, (Black Hayate had found it first, and Riza insisted on taking him to the vet). The dance routine from last year, where Madame’s girls showed up at the office for a full on song and dance number. (Riza inquired who put them up to this and if they were being paid properly. Even with their refusals, Riza insisted on sending them away with a few bills from her own pocket.) There had been bouquets of flowers, group gift baskets, and a surprise party that had all fallen on their face. The lieutenant insisted each year that they merely forget her birthday, or all sign a card or something. But Roy was far too extravagant for a card, especially when it came to gifts for Hawkeye.

It was for this reason he found himself on a familiar doorstep at around 3:30 am. 

 

***************

Roy yawned, looking around at the other apartments. All lights were off by now, leaving the complex in near-complete silence. He slipped under the base of the bush by Riza’s porch until he felt the smooth metal surface had been looking for. 

Inserting the key into the lock, Roy slipped inside, mentally thanking his subordinate for keeping her door hinges oiled. The apartment was still, shadows thrown across a small leather couch and table. As per usual, the colonel muttered something about needing to make the place more “homey”. The room was devoid of nearly any decoration, the only personal touches being a few photos of Black Hayate and the team. He picked one up, brushing any stray dust from its surface. 

This photo was relatively new... one of the Madame’s girls had snapped a photo during a recent visit to celebrate Havoc’s birthday. The man in question was grinning widely, a familiar unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. Breda had a matching cheesy grin, each holding up a beer as if for a toast. Fuery looked on rather bashfully, cheeks flushed red from the alcohol.

Roy himself wore eyebrows shot up to the top of his forehead, looking down in surprise at his drink-drenched shirt. Havoc had elbowed him rather enthusiastically to get his attention for the picture, and the movement had greatly jostled the mug in his hand, sloshing the contents over the side. 

And where she had always been, at his side, Riza’s mouth stretched open, mid-laugh. Such was a rare sight indeed, and Roy brushed his thumb over the place where the edges of her eyes crinkled. It might have been the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

The alchemist was pulled from his moment of nostalgia by a nudge against his ankle. Jumping in surprise, Roy looked down, only to find a panting Black Hayate at his feet. 

“Hey boy,” He whispered, scratching the dog behind it’s ears. “What do you say we go get working on that surprise for your mama.”

Hayate sneezed, which Roy took as a sign of approval. “Sounds good. To the kitchen we go.”

 

*******************

Riza awoke to the smell of smoke.

She jolted awake, eyes scanning her room for any signs of fire. A thin sliver of greyish light slipped through the crack in her curtains, signalling the coming of dawn. Thankfully, there was no sight of flames licking her curtains or dresser. Here, the air was clear, so the fire must have been coming from the living area. 

The sniper hurriedly slipped on her bathrobe, glancing at the clock at her bedside. 5:00 am. What in the world could have happened in the four hours she had been asleep?

Running into the hallway, and waving at the smokey tendrils clouding her vision, Riza tried to determine the best course of action. The fire extinguisher was in the closet up ahead, so any stray flames could be taken care of.

The smoke was thicker here as she neared the kitchen and she coughed into her arm, divining multiple possible escape routes. After lifting the fire extinguisher from off the ground of the closet, she continued onward, ready to spray the source of the fire. 

As she drew closer, a different sound could be heard over the fire alarm… yelling. And cursing. And barking. 

Riza couldn't help but roll her eyes as a frantic figure took shape, holding a bashed knee and fanning the fire alarm with a dish towel. Beside him, her dog ran in frantic circles, hopping up occasionally.

So she had found the source of the fire after all. 

“Oh hey Riza.”

She sprayed. 

He yelped, unable to dodge the attack in time. “Hey! What the heck-!”

She sprayed again. For good measure.

Roy let out a very unmanly scream as he was coated in the powdery white stuff. 

To Riza’s satisfaction, he was covered head to toe. The fire alarm blared louder, and she put a hand on her hip, surveying the smoke-ridden kitchen. Hayate padded to her side, happy to see his master.

The oven.

Of course.

“Roy were you trying to cook?” She questioned, making her way over to where the smoke billowed out of the device.

The colonel himself spat foam away from his mouth and wiped at his eyes. 

“Yes. Yes I was. Now can you please help me!”

Riza rolled her eyes, then let the fire extinguisher loose on whatever dish had been severely overcooked in the oven.

“Colonel would you go open some windows please,” she directed, 

Dragging his feet, Roy did as he was told, while Riza attempted to turn the fire alarm off. 

“Not even so much as a thank you for making you breakfast, Lieutenant?”

“I’ll thank you once we can turn off this stupid beeping.”

 

**************

Around twenty minutes later, the two officers sat on a sheet-covered couch (Roy was still covered in foam), exhausted. Roy scrubbed at his hair with a towel, while Riza sipped from a extremely large cup of coffee. A worn out Black Hayate was asleep in his bed in the corner.

“Was spraying me with the fire extinguisher really all that necessary?” He grumbled, avoiding eye contact with his lieutenant.

“I was looking to spray the source of the fire, and I found it,” she shrugged, placing her drink on the table in front of her. 

The dark haired alchemist pouted, tossing the towel to his side. 

“I was just trying to make you something nice for your birthday,” he whined, sounding very much like a scolded child. 

“I appreciate it Roy, I just wish you weren’t so spontaneous sometimes. You could have let me know you were coming over; I could have helped out.”

“No way! That would ruin the surprise!”

“I have mentioned my disdain for surprises more than once Sir.”

“Oh you mean like this…”

The alchemist lunged, tackling her to the couch before she had time to defend herself. 

Riza cried out in surprise, trying to shield the attack, but it was too late; she too was now covered in white foam.

“Oh, now Look what you’ve done!” She lamented, trying to hold the amusement back from her voice. It had been a smart move, she had to admit. 

He nuzzled against her neck, face adorned with a cheeky grin. 

“You were asking for it my dear,” he replied smugly. 

“You do realize we need to be at work in an hour…”

The colonel snuck in a kiss against her cheek. 

“Sounds like just enough time to take you to that breakfast place you love before we head out.”

Riza chuckled, running her fingers through his thick hair, which was now somewhat matted and stuck together. 

“Maybe if you can managed to get looking presentable in time,” she noted, raising an eyebrow. “I’m sure the men would be quite curious at why you look like you got in a fight with a fire extinguisher.”

“I’ll just tell them that my Lieutenant is too heartless to let me spoil her.”

The blonde sighed, then leaned up to kiss him. “Not my fault all surprises put on by you seem to end in something on fire.” 

“Not my fault you fell in love with the Flame Alchemist.”

She laughed, then, and pressed her lips to his. 

“C’mon Colonel Sparky, lets get you cleaned up.”


End file.
